


Handsome Jack Is Bitch

by Screams_in_anxiety



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Badass Rhys, Canon Non-Binary Character, Other, Trans Character, Trans Rhys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 05:10:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Screams_in_anxiety/pseuds/Screams_in_anxiety
Summary: It's another group chat! Suirprised?Yes? No?Yes?Shit wasn't expecting that anyways glad I can surprise!~No?Huh smart cookie for not being surprised~





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> They're in High school bc why not?  
Oc here for like a minute

Handsome Jack:Handsome

Rhys:Rhys/Buttercup

Vaughn:Vaughn/Beef

Zer0:Zer0/I bite

Fl4k:Fl4k/No

Zane Flynt:Molly/Yes  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Six people have been added by Lil*

Lil:This is for you guys/girls to get along but these only one girl here so yeah! Please behave

Handsome:who's the girl?

Lil:This is for you six to stop ruining everyone's day and scaring the poor newbies off now play nice

*Lil has left for good*

Handsome:huh

Zer0:now that she's gone and no one is on to stop me

*Zer0 has changed their name to i bite*

I bite: Perfect

Fl4k:Zer0 no

I bite:Zane would like this name as would Rhys

Rhys:it's a good name Zer0

Zer0:see!

Fl4k:I'm stuck with dumbasses

Vaughn:*coughs* um bitch what am I?

Fl4k:the dumbest

Vaughn:Rhys your friends being mean to me again!

Rhys:*gasp* not my bestie Fl4k I challenge you to a fight!

Fl4k:meh okay

*I bite has changed Fl4k name to No Rhys name to Buttercup and Vaughn to Beef*

Beef:I

No:no

Molly:would ya shut up? M'trying to pay attention in class

Handsome:so your the girl?

Molly:No

Handsome:I don't remember getting in fights with a girl enough to scare freshman or anyone else so who are you?

Molly:wow can't even tell who I am? and ya call ya self smart!

Buttercup:Zane be nice

Handsome:Holy fuck Zane!? How

Molly:I'm trans ya dumbass

*Molly has changed their name to Yes*

Yes:Go and bite as many people as ya like Zer0

I bite:at least someone understands!

Yes:Zer0 is2g if ya bite me I'll kick ya in the dick

I bite:it'll be worth it

Buttercup:omg god his going for it!

Handsome:I wish I was here to see this

Buttercup:I got you

Beef:his at Zanes desk

No:and his done it poor Zane

Buttercup:FL4K SAVE HIM BEFORE ZANE ACTUALLY KILL HIM

No:can't you do it

Buttercup:f,,,,fine this is fine apparently poking the loins with a stick is okay

Beef:they wouldn't hurt you bro your the baby

Buttercup:I'm baby?

No:yes you're baby

Yes:you planed this

I bite:indeed I did apologies

Yes:fake apologies ya mean

I bite: perhaps

Yes:I hate ya

I bite:fake news 

Handsome:so what happened?

*Buttercup has sent a video!*

Yes:Rhys why

Buttercup:you can't hurt me I'm baby!

I bite:Fuck he right

Yes:who told ya to say that?

Buttercup:Fire hawk!

Yes:Brb

Handsome:It's been a hour what's he doing?

Beef:idk

Handsome:HOLY FUCKIN HELL HE BROKE THE GOD DAMN DOOR DOWN 

I bite:ah isn't my husband Perfect?

No:sometimes yes

Beef:he scares me at times but I would die for him

Buttercup:wouldn't we all?

Handsome:normally I'd say no but after seeing him break down a door choke fire hawk and walk away from it? Yeah I'll die for him

Buttercup:*softly* his growing guys!

Handsome:I can see read that

Buttercup:abort mission

Beef:we'll get em next time

No:Game over.

I bite:Fl4k let the kids have fun

No:read my name and get back to class

I bite:QwQ fuwk


	2. Zane no-

Handsome Jack:Handsome

Rhys:Rhys/Buttercup

Vaughn:Vaughn/Beef

Zer0:Zer0/I bite

Fl4k:Fl4k/No

Zane Flynt:Molly/Yes  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Buttercup:I'm so sorry Vaughn please let me have the ice cream :(

Beef:Lier you're not sorry I see you smiling over there!

Buttercup:False there's no smiles over here in my area!

Yes:Y'all need to shut up it's what? Three am?

Buttercup:3:30 am!

Yes:go to sleep

Beef:no we need you to clean this up please

Yes:ugh fine

Buttercup:yay!

Handsome:why did I see Rhys with blood on his face?

Yes:ya saw nothing speak of it again and they'll never find ya and I'll peacefully eat pancakes near where ya buried

Buttercup:Zane no!

Handsome:aaaaand shutting up about that Rhys pumpkin keep your gard dog away from me

Buttercup:Zane's not my gard dog

Yes:yeah I'm the overprotective 'mom' friend

Buttercup:yes

No:this is true sometimes

I bite:still think his the overprotective aunt everyone fears for they know he runs asmgjao

Yes:whoops sorry guess m'hand slipped

No:untrue 

Buttercup:false 

Beef:lies

Handsome:incorrect

Yes:damnit guess I have to get rid of y'all

No:No


	3. Don't do it

Handsome Jack:Handsome

Rhys:Rhys/Buttercup

Vaughn:Vaughn/Beef

Zer0:Zer0/I bite

Fl4k:Fl4k/No

Zane Flynt:Molly/Yes  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes:Handsome Jack isn't that handsome is all m'saying

I bite:and who names the kid handsome Jack?

Buttercup:EXCUSE ME YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU TWO GET READY TL FIGHT IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS

Yes:wrong chat?

I bite:mhm Rhys you can't beat us don't try

Yes:let Rhys have fun

No:Rhys would you like help?

Buttercup:please 

Yes:hey no don't bring our s/o into this

No:Rhys didn't I did.

Yes:Zer0 sweetie we gotta go

I bite:on it

Buttercup:NVM ZANE RUN YOUR BROTHERS WANT YOU!

Yes:how lovely ya don't want to fight now that these asshats want me  
Yes:wait shit really??

Beef:yeah sorry dude they look out for blood well one does the other looks worried

Yes:Hmmm what day is it again??

I bite:Tuesday

No:21

Yes:OHHH IM IN TERRIBLE DANGER

Handsome:why's that?

Yes:oh no reason just I forgotten bout sm I shouldn't have

Beef:you should probably run Firehawk told them where to find you

Yes:oh yes shit gotta go-

I bite:did he just?

No:I believe he did

I bite:just wanted to make sure

Buttercup:ahh why did Zane JUMP OUTTA THE SIXTH FLOOR WINDOW HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE!?

Beef:at this point he could get ran over and still live his too powerful

Handsome:yeah remind me not to fuck with him and his assassin boyfriend and creepy s/o

Buttercup:they wouldn't hurt you!

No:yes because Rhys is so in love with you that he would lose it and no one can bring themselves to be the cause of it

I bite:Zane might fuck you up if he wants Vaughn would kill you without question if you made his best friend sad so watch out

Handsome: Vaughn the tiny dude??

Buttercup:he broke a dudes arm in half when we were younger bc they tried breaking mine

Handsome: understandable have a nice day

Yes:yeah no take that and shove it up ya ass

Beef:they caught you??

Yes:read the name

Beef:ah

Yes:time to die

No:no

I bite:no

Yes:yes


	4. New kids

Handsome Jack:Handsome

Rhys:Buttercup

Vaughn:Beef

Zer0:I bite

Fl4k:No

Zane Flynt:Yes

Brick:Strong 

Mordecai:Eat Shit And Die  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buttercup:can I add some of firehawks friends?

No:who?

Buttercup:The tall one who can break us in half with one hand and the one who wears that mask thingy and has a bird on his shoulder all the time!

I bite:oh Bricks okay the other is horrible

Buttercup:soooo can I?

Beef:do you have the contacts to do that?

Buttercup:no...I can ask!

Handsome:yeah that's a hard no

*I bite has added Strong*

Strong:???

I bite:this is the group chat I talked about brick everyone, everyone brick

Strong:hmm so want me to add Mordecai?

Buttercup:Yes please!!

*Strong has added Eat Shit And Die*

Eat Shit And Die:No

Strong: please?

Eat Shit And Die:Once 

Strong:thank you!

Eat Shit And Die:yeah yeah  
Eat Shit And Die:now shut up and let me work

Strong:sorry

Eat Shit And Die:mhm whatever


	5. Jack's Bitches

Handsome Jack:Handsome

Rhys:Buttercup

Vaughn:Beef

Zer0:I bite

Fl4k:No

Zane Flynt:Yes

Brick:Strong

Mordecai:Eat Shit And Die

Timothy Lawrence:Timtam

Wilhelm:Wil

Nisha:Nis  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Handsome:I'm adding my bitches 

Eat Shit And Die:Do it no balls

Handsome:Oooh

*Handsome has added Timtam Wil and Nis*

Nis:Jack why

Handsome:I missed you guyssss!

Wil:Rhys Vaughn are you here?

Buttercup:Parental Figure Hello!!

Beef:Hey parental figure

Wil:How are you problem children?

Yes:aw am I not one of your problem children??

Wil:no you're Tim's

Yes:Timmmmm 

Timtam:Zane hey!

Yes:Guess what?

Nis:you murder someone?

Timtam:you left your family?

Wil:murder your brothers?

Buttercup:Murder Firehawk?

Eat Shit And Die:no she's still alive

Strong:Did you get a pet??

No:dogdogdogdog

I bite:what is it Zane?

Yes:im going to be gone for a week

Buttercup:Why!?

Yes:Family thing

Nis:Jack why did you call us your bitches?

Handsome:Zane protect me? 

Yes:hmm sure

Nis:hmm

Yes:come at me fuckers


	6. Zane snaps

Handsome Jack:Handsome

Rhys:Buttercup

Vaughn:Beef

Zer0:I bite

Fl4k:No

Zane Flynt:Yes

Brick:Strong

Mordecai:Eat Shit And Die

Timothy Lawrence:Timtam

Wilhelm:Wil

Nisha:Nis  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I bite:I miss Zane :(

No:as do I

Timtam:do you know if his okay?

No:no

Beef:I hope he is

Buttercup:I'm so worried what if he isn't okay??

Wil:he'll be fine

Nis:and if he isn't we'll take care of him

Strong:yeah he seems nice! 

Eat Shit And Die:he's okay I guess bloodwing will miss him if he stays gone any longer

Handsome:you like him 2

Eat Shit And Die:no 

Strong:he likes him enough to not kill him on sight 

Eat Shit And Die:yes that

Yes:I LIVE BITCHES!!!!

I bite:oh thank FUCK!

No:what happened?

Yes:oh nothin I can't handle don't worry so much babes

No:hmm

Buttercup:Zane are you okay??

Yes:yeah anyways gotta bounce!


	7. Oh hey I'm bleeding? Huh look at that!

Zane Flynt:Child #1

Vaughn:Child #2

Rhys:Child #3

Timothy Lawrence:Mom

Wilhelm:Dad

Nisha:Aunt  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Child #1:I need to be picked up right now

Dad:where are you?

Child #1:park

Dad:I'll be there soon

Child #1:thanks 

Aunt:Zane anything we should know?

Child #1:hmm think m'rib is broken?? Also my arm feels funny

Mom:Zane what did they do!?

Child #1:oh um the usual but more?

Mom:Zane....

Child #3:ILL KICK THEIR ASS VAUGHN!!

Child #2:hm?

Child #3:LETS GO WE GOT SOME ASSES TO KICK

Child #2:okay

Child #1:no both of ya don't it's fine

Dad:I'm here come on let's go Zane

Child #1:okay brt

Dad:Fuck guys get the green first aid kit!

Mom:THAT BAD!?

Dad:yeah

Aunt:now they've gone to far

Child #1:no

Child #2:guys let's not until his okay then we can plan to kick their asses!

Child #3:fine

Dad:we're here

Mom:omg...

Child #1:oh hey I'm bleeding? Would y'all look at that!


End file.
